SEINFELD QUOTES.. Which are your Favorites?


"Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour."

"I am freaking out! I am freaking out!"

"But the question is, are you still master of your domain? But the question is, are you still master of your domain?"

"Ask not what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me."

"You need a priest to get rid of this!"

"To the idiotmobile"

"So long, suckers!"

"Hello Newman"

"I don’t wanna be a pirate!"

"She had man hands."

"Look to the cookie!"

"You mean, the panties your mother laid out for you?"


"Yada yada yada"

"Can you spare a square?"

"Get out!"

"Stop freaking me out"

"I've "yada yadaed" sex."

"I can’t, I don’t have it, I don’t have a square to spare, I can’t spare a square."

"I just couldn't decide if he was really sponge worthy."

"He recycled this gift. He's a regifter."

"You're through, Soup Nazi! No more soup for you!"

"Perhaps one day when the pigmen roam free it will be stopped. Until then, off with their heads."

"Oh, yeah. Right, right. Well, all those mechanics do is work all day with their hands and their big, muscular arms on machines, and then they come home dripping with animal sexuality like Stanley Kowalski. What a huge turn-off that is."

"Sometimes when I think you’re the shallowest man I’ve ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool."


"Maybe the dingo’s ate your baby!"

"I am speechless: I am without speech."

"I'm a day person."

"You are way past the phone call break up stage."

"Jerry's under a lot of pressure. It's hard being a standup comic- sometimes they don't laugh."

"It shrinks? I don't know how you guys go around with those things."


"My name is George, I’m unemployed and I live at my parents."

"Every decision I have ever made in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I wanted to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, is it something to wear, something to eat, it’s all been wrong."

"Sweet Fancy Moses"

"But, but I’m disturbed…I’m depressed…I’m inadequate: I got it all."

"George is getting upset."

"A George divided against itself, cannot stand."

"I am Art Vandelay, I am an Importer/Exporter."

"Every time I think I’m out, they pull me back in."

"You’re killing independent George."

"Its Festivus!"

"It's not a lie, if you believe it."

"It's MOOPS!"

"I was in the pool! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!"

"You can stuff your sorrys in a sack, mister."

"Yeah, I’m a great quitter: it’s one of the few things I do well… I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter… I was raised to give up."

"I think I can sum up the show for you with one word; Nothing."

"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?"

"I always get the feeling that when lesbians are looking at me they’re thinking, that’s why I’m not a heterosexual."

"I’d like to have a kid…of course you have to have a date first."

"My boys can swim."

"The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli."

"This was supposed to be the summer of George."

"I know less about women than anyone in the world."

"I’m losing it!"

"Pity's very underrated. I like pity. It's good."

"There was shrinkage!"

"I'm Back Baby!"


"Hoochie mama!"

"Yo-Yo Ma"

"Ya, ya."

"I am Cosmo Kramer the Assman!"

"I'm useless Jerry!"


"Job? I've never had a job."

"You're Sick"

"I'm gonna surround myself with wood! Wood Jerry! Wood!"

"She's got the jimmy legs!"

"I'm looking right at you, big daddy"

"Stick a fork in me, I'm done"

"That's Kooky Talk!!"

"Saddle up and ride"

"Yippie Yi Yeah"

"I'm afraid of the Clowns!"

"My boys need a home Jerry!"

"You stupid, stubborn , silly man."

"I'm so keen o' - on Beef 'o Reno - what a delicious cuisine o’ - Fit for king and queen o’ - Yeah, eat up - I’ve 34 more cans. "

"I'm out."

"Hole in one"

"Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's's delicious!"

"Look away, I’m hideous."

"Well, lets start the insanity."

"TCB, You know: Taking care of business."

"These pretzels are making me thirsty."

"I'm out there Jerry, and I'm LOVIN' every minute of it!"

"He is a loathsome offensive brute, yet I can’t look away!"

"She's got everything I've ever wanted in another human being ... except for the walking."

Have A Great Quote(s)?

Do you have a great Seinfeld quote? Share it!