FRIENDS QUOTES... Do You See Your Favorites?


"I'm late Green Eggs and Eggs discussion group. Tonight is why he would not eat them on a train."

"Oh, I wish I could, but I really don't want to."

"Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in... Ello there mate."

"Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches"

"Oh, my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!"

"Oh, look. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his Christmas tree. Wow, you should see the size of his Christmas balls!"

"There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a... while..."

"What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip."

"Observe the art of seduction. Watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie."

"Everyone you lurk, I'm gonna lurk right behind you, and I'll be on your ass every hour of every day... until Monday... coz that's when I leave. When do you leave?"

"Yeah, well I kinda liked that Lamaze class I took, but I was looking for something a little bit more intellectual, with a less painful final exam."

"Hello, my name is Clunkers! May I please stay with you nice people?"

"I'm, like, playing the field. You know, juggling two guys, sowing my wild oats. I'm, like, this oat-sowing, field-playing juggler."

"Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man."

"No, I'm a positive person. You're like Santa Claus... on prozac... in Disney Land... getting laid."

"Well, I started naming states, but then I got tired of it. So, I started naming different types of celery. So far I only got one- regular celery."

"They don't know that we know they know we know."

"No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen."

"No, Mr. Heckels, we're not making any noise."

"Turkey's are beautiful, intelligent animals."

"I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit."

"And this time they've ganged up to form one giant, super hat!"

"If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer."

"I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up."

"My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird."

"Quit being so "testosterony"!"


"Ok, Ok. Now what is wrong with my Snuggles? It what? It says I'm a sensitive, warm, kind of guy. You know like a little fuzzy bear........Alright, I can pick something else up."

"Maybe this wouldn't have happened if..if I'd been more nurturing, or I'd paid more attention, or I'd had a uterus."


"I think I'm just going to go home and think about my wife and her lesbian lover."

"I mean, one day he was this little thing. And then, before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg."

"Unagi is a state of total awareness, okay? Only by achieving true Unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!"

"No, it's not just that. It's just--I want someone who... who does something for me, y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, who... who makes me, uh..."

"I think the word you're looking for is... 'Anyway...'"

"What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me!"

"Hey, he is people! He has a name! He watches Jeopardy! He touches himself when nobody's looking!"

"I dunno, I think you reach a certain age and having a roommate is kinda path-uh, sorry, that's pathet, which is Sanskrit for "really cool way to live."

"I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were different characters, plot lines, themes, a motif. At one point there were villagers..."

"No just leave my aura alone... OK?"

"Rach, you balded my girlfriend!"

"First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault."


"Fine! Judge all you want to but, married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire, livin’ in a box!"

"Ross, foot on the floor, or come over no more."

"This has been my dream ever since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery."

"You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha."

"Where you going in those pants? 1982?"

"Get ready for me to whip your butt!"

"... when I was younger all I wanted to do was to play with this dollhouse, but nooo, it was to be looked at but never played with ..."

"Okay, everybody. Relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex."

"Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours!"

"Besides, why would you fake it when we're trying to have a baby?"


"That's probably because their nerves are deadened from being so stupid."'


"If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y’know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!"

"You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?"

"He took my essence!"

"All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole."

"Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster.”

"Yeah, and I get my ya-ya's from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less."

"Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing?"

"Hey, woah, hey, woah."

"Holy double-vented comfort Batman!"

"Because sometimes, Phoebe after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish."

"Bing! Chandler... Bing? Chandler: My name is Gaelic for 'Thy turkey's done'."

"Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!"

"Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!"

"Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!"

"Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream."

"Hi, my name's Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?"

"I assure you, if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way!"

"I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS."

"If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom."

"Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ."

"Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it."

"No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee."

"I did. Wah-pah!"

"The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!"

"The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!"

"Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad."

"Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback."

"Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia."

"Y'know, whipped! Wah-pah!"

"Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?"

"Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister."


"If she wanted to be more like me, why couldn't she just copy my hairstyle or something?"

"Oh my God. I've become my father. I've been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn't see this coming."

"Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel.""

"It's all RELATIVE, it's all RELATIVE!!!!"

"Ahhh, salmon skin roll."

"I mean isn't that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic!"

"Oh... I get it. A-man-duh."

"Here i am about to pop, and hes out picking up some shop girl from sluts are us."

"it's like all my life everyone's been telling me your a shoe, your a shoe, your a shoe, & yesterday I just stopped & said: what if I don't wanna be a shoe? what if I wanna be a purse, or or a hat? no daddy, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat... it's a metaphor daddy!"

"Well, excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends. I am here to tell you that hats are back."

"Oh, what a load of crap! that is a dot. your mom is sitting in heaven saying, 'Where's my lily you wuss!' ... you wanna see a tattoo? THIS is a tattoo!"

"I don't understand guys. I'd never congratulate Monica on a great stew by grabbing her boob."

"Now that you're on you're own, you're free to look as stupid as you like."

"Doctor you've gotta do something! I... ya... you've gotta give me drugs... or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out!"

"Okay, well you "mmmmm" on that for a while. I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp!"

"I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman...this blonde planet with a pocketbook...starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me! And I hit my head on the curb and cut my lip on my whistle. Oh...everybody having fun at the party? Are people eating my dip?"


"THAT'S RIGHT. I'm taking the ESSENCE."

"how YOU doing"

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman. And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition."

"I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts... turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."

"Actually, you know what? I am. That whole thing with Rachel made me realize that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship. You know? Like I'd like to meet a nice mature commitment-minded lady. And looks aren't as important as...Nah, she's gotta be hot."

"Oh mommie, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie!"

"Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!"

"Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone."

"Easy there Captain Kirk."

"Gettin' drunk and going to a strip club."

"He's back! The peeper's back!"

"Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!"

"I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'."

"This is back when I thought Kash was still people."

"... no no, a moo point ... like a cows opinion, doesn't matter ... it's moo ..."

"I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with th store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political."

"I wanted to go to the strip club!"

"I'm an actor, y'know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic."

"It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly."

"Nah, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin."

"Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!"

"Some girl ate Monica."

"Spock's birth control."

"That's not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!"

"That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani! And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don't read a lot or run very fast, but dammit! We can eat!"

"That, is not a cat!"

"What are you talking about? Bitch."

"What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?"

"I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked."

"Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?"

"You are so the man!"

"Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, 'cause my Grandma doesn't know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah."

"You got screwed."

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