Homer-Simpson, Bart-Simpson, Marge-Simpson, Apu, Krusty the Clown and more....
"I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman."
"Save me, Jeebus"
"Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!"
"Urge to kill…RISING!"
"Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs."
"Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?"
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel."
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
"Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems."
"When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV."
"Remember Marge, it’s uterus not uteryou."
"Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true."
"Marge, you can’t kick me out of the house! you’ll cause a miscount on the census! a miscount!"
"Must kill Moe… Wheee"
"He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!"
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
"Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people."
"What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway."
"Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk."
"No offense Apu, but when they’re handing out religions you must have been out taking a whizz."
"I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world."
"I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming."
"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos."
"You’re I’m a rage-aholic! I m addicted to rage-ahol."
"Eat my shorts."
"Don't have a cow, man."
"I'm Bart Simpson, who the Hell are you?"
"I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows."
"Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get communion wafers and booze?"
"Dear God. We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing."
"No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am."
"You kill 'em, we grill 'em!"
"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa."
"What a day, eh Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding."
"Cool, I broke his brain!"
"I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!"
"You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done."
"Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!"
"Just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years!"
"Now lets all forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!"
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."
"Hey kids! I made your favorite cookies: Christmas trees for the girls and bloody spearheads for Bart."
"Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone."
“We have roots here, Homer. We have friends and library cards… Bart’s lawyer is here."
"Thank you, steal again"
"Please do not offer my god a peanut."
"By the thousand arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie!"
"Ah. The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying."
Krusty the Clown
"Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…"
"And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold."
"Hey, Hey, HEY! Ichs nay on the eww jay!!!"
"Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."
"It seems every week the Simpsons go through a situation like this. My suggestion is to just ride it out, make the occasional smart-aleck quip, and next week, we'll return right to where we were, ready for another wacky adventure."
"It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV."
"You know, you are not born with a soul. You earn it with suffering, hard work and prayer. Which hopefully you did last night."
"Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot."
"I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah as a state!"
"Homer, your as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly....."
"The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it."
"Dear Advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels."
"Jesus must be spinning in his grave!"
"Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!"
"Sure thing, giant beer!"
"Sweet, beautiful drunk talk..."
"When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University!'
"It tastes like burning!'
"I bent my wookie.'
"Me fail English? That’s unpossible."
"My cat’s breath smells like cat food."
"I’m a brick!"
"I dress myself."
"Hi super nintendo Chalmers."
"Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!"
"I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?'
"All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.'
'No jury in the world is going to convict a baby ... Maybe Texas."
Milhouse Van Houten
"We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy."
"Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*"
"Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish!"
"I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency."
"I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant"
"Nonsense! Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?"
"Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hungover drones."
Comic Book Guy
"Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!"
"Human contact: the final frontier."
"But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life."
"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix
Engage cloaking device."
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What Other Visitors Have Said
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BART Not rated yet
"Whoo im flying wow i can see the sky!"
"My wings have broken i cant fly anymore!"
He wakes up and crys then stops and …
LISA SIMPSON Not rated yet
To Bart"See that hippo rolling in dung? You're the dung."
"Bart, Fluffy died. Dad buried him in the backyard, but not in that order."
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